Tim Dowling: lessons in survival against the odds, from the tortoise

Tim Dowling: lessons in survival against the odds, from the tortoise

At that point we’d been married five years, and I’d never heard anything about a tortoise.“I thought he was giving me some kind of memento,” my wife says.“He was,” I say.

Tim Dowling: hunting for a tortoise in driving rain will shrink my inflated ego nicely

Tim Dowling: hunting for a tortoise in driving rain will shrink my inflated ego nicely

I watch as the tortoise attempts, not for the first time, to leave through the cat flap; I know from experience that he’s about a centimetre too wide.

Pug and tortoise are best friends who love to lounge in the sun together

Pug and tortoise are best friends who love to lounge in the sun together

The couple adopted Zelda after finding her by chance when they moved with the then-one-year-old Milo to Dubai for work at the end of 2016.Michelle said: ‘We lived in an apartment before moving to our house in Dubai and one day I noticed a tortoise had wandered into our garden.

Tim Dowling: there’s a cold snap forecast. The tortoise is in peril

Tim Dowling: there’s a cold snap forecast. The tortoise is in peril

While I’m always pleasantly surprised when in rains for four straight hours instead of seven, this can make it difficult to balance the tortoise’s desire to be outside with spring’s eccentric schedule.“Harold,” says the cat.“Keep trying,” I say.When I look up an hour later, the grapes and the tortoise are gone.

My unexpected working-from-home problem? The noise from my husband's oversexed tortoises

My unexpected working-from-home problem? The noise from my husband's oversexed tortoises

I have been pleading with my husband for weeks to put his scaly Casanovas in the fridge (they hibernate in the vegetable drawer; Blue Peter didn’t warn us about that, either) with no joy: more dandelions needed.

Tim Dowling: the tortoise will not only outlive me, it’ll outwit me, too

Tim Dowling: the tortoise will not only outlive me, it’ll outwit me, too

It is just after 11pm and I am in the garden in a downpour that began precisely as I stepped outside, searching for the tortoise by the light of my phone.“I suppose it would be terrible if he were to sadly pass,” my wife says.

Dog named nation's most destructive pet after destroying carpet

Dog named nation's most destructive pet after destroying carpet

Bella went on a rampage and left owner Kelly’s pillow in tatters and her walls needing repairs (Picture: Jam Press/ScS/Jam Press)Third place in the competition went to two and three-year-old Pug-crosses Riley and Teddy after owner Lisa Williams arrived home one day to catch them ripping apart her best cushions.

Tim Dowling: I’ve outwitted the cat, the tortoise and the coffee maker

Tim Dowling: I’ve outwitted the cat, the tortoise and the coffee maker

As I wait for the little green light indicating the machine is ready to dispense coffee, I hear the sound of the tortoise making a 45-degree turn somewhere in the vicinity of the cupboard where the mugs are kept.

This Time the Tortoise Might Actually Beat the Hare

This Time the Tortoise Might Actually Beat the Hare

The Ryder family, Mrs. T’s caretakers, were devastated, “We were hoping initially there was going to be enough, some stumps left so that we could fix some prosthetic legs to her.

KLG and Hoda meet a 100-pound tortoise, a coati and more!

KLG and Hoda meet a 100-pound tortoise, a coati and more!

KLG and Hoda meet a 100-pound tortoise, a coati and more! The ladies meet a Sulcata tortoise, an arctic fox, a coati (a relative of the raccoon) and more.

These pets are richer than Kim Kardashian

These pets are richer than Kim Kardashian

she’s worth $99,500,000 (£78,199,040) (Picture: comaprethemarket.com)The data, compiled by comparison website Compare the Market, found that the rich pet list was topped by a German Shephard called Gunther IV. It’s not just cats and dogs that make up the list of rich pets.

Banned in India!

Banned in India!

There are a lot of exotic pets and species of endangered animals that are listed as “banned pets” in India.